My mind is like a battle ground where my self-deprecating thoughts and self-empowering thoughts are meeting. The self-deprecating thoughts seem to lack logic, but the self-empowering thoughts seem to take some leaps and stretches.
The basis of the problem is that I find myself utterly uninteresting and greatly unsuited for the social realm. This may or may not be true but the fact that I believe it makes it true. By that I don’t mean it’s true because I say that it is but rather because I believe it I will convince myself is thus making it impossible to communicate with social grace. It is much like the pregnancy phenomenon where women who aren’t pregnant so truly believe that they are that they begin to lactate and experience symptoms of pregnancy. So my main goal now is to get out of the mind set that I am inept socially I’ve got to have a little bit more confidence about my own abilities. If that confidence takes a while to build up well I bloody well better get good at faking it.
Taking the time to think is always so much easier over the summer I have so much time and not to many responsibilities. I need to figure out a way to make this work throughout the school year as well maybe like 30 minute journal entry followed by 30 minutes of meditation? It’s very important to get these thoughts out of you and I am way more rational when I am writing as opposed to trying to process all these thoughts in my head. It can be overwhelming. I feel better already.